Yesterday was a weird day.

It was an awesome day, too. Let me explain.

I was cooking dinner at my place for my sisters and our friends, so I stopped by Trader Joe’s earlier in the day to pick up a few things that weren’t available at my normal grocery store– i.e., fancy cheese. Now, the Trader Joe’s nearest to me is in the part of town where a lot of “old money” lives. I don’t live among the old money, but I live in an area that is old money adjacent, if you will. So as I pulled into the parking lot and parked my car alongside the immaculate luxury vehicles, I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I felt so out of place with these people, yet there I was. Watching the people bustle around in the parking lot was like witnessing some extended performance art piece– handfuls of soccer moms skipped out of the store with their lululemon uniforms, rushed to their SUVs, loaded them up with reusable totes full of groceries, and bounced around the car to the front seat to drive off.I presume they were all going have lunch with their fellow old money associates as they drank wine at 10:00 AM and talked crap about so-and-so’s lame gala.

Still giggling to myself, I hopped out of my (non-luxury) SUV, grab my reusable totes from the back, and head into the store. I was proud of the “running errands” outfit I had pulled together, so I had some extra pep in my step. I thought to myself, “I am so cute and comfortable in my stretchy pants and chambard button-dow–OMG I HAVE ON THE SAME OUTFIT AS THIS WOMAN COMING TOWARD ME.” I stared at her in disbelief. Our shirts were even the same hue of light blue. We politely laughed as we passed each other, but my head was spinning. Right there in Trader Joe’s, I spiraled into a small identity crisis. Am I one of these old money chicks? After all, I am in Trader Joe’s on a week day with my reusable totes, standard SUV, wearing “the uniform”. But I couldn’t be one of them. I was missing a key requirement– I didn’t have old money (or new for that matter). So even worse– am I subconsciously trying to be like one of the old money ladies? I have always expressed a desire to become one of the “ladies who lunch”. I also am quite fond of morning cocktails and fancy restaurants.

The thought was still bugging me as I checked out and walked out into the parking lot.I distractedly threw my bags in my car and started my engine, just in time to hear the first few bars of Crime Mob’s “Knuck if You Buck” to blast in my speakers. Delighted, I automatically took my hand off of the steering wheel and proceeded to dance. There was no way I was moving until the song was over. I might have terrified some patrons walking past my car, but what else was I to do? I was left with no other options.

That blast from the past inspired me to play some other banger classics on my way home. As I drove smiling and dancing, I realized that I was not trying to be anything. I just have different facets to my personality, and I can’t be pinned down. I believe that we all do. And I will never be made to feel bad about that again– even if it’s self-inflicted.

I am a black, curvy woman. I am so proud to be those things. But they do not exclude me from being other things. I might be twerking in lululemon for all you know. But really it comes down to the fact that I have the right to be unapologetically everything that I am. Isn’t that beautiful? And guess what– you have that right, too. And if that confuses anyone, then they need to work through that, not you. Let’s be done with trying to fit into other peoples’ boxes. We owe it to the world to bring our authentic selves. That’s all we can be expected to do in this life we are given.

That, and dance to Crime Mob. Always dance to Crime Mob.

I have this theory about life. I believe that everyone is either a “why” or a “why not” person. But I have a lot of theories that make sense in my head but leave other people scratching theirs, so allow me to explain.

Why people are very risk averse. They require it to be proven why something should be done before they take action or commit. Basically, they need the receipts up front. Why people are the kind of folks you want to take with you when you go car shopping. They will give that poor salesperson a workout, but you will not be purchasing anything unless a solid reason is provided and proven. It seems that why people’s main fear is making a mistake.

Why not people are more concerned with having regrets or missing opportunities. Their default is yes, so in a lot of cases, they must be talked out of doing something. At the end of their lives, why not people could look back at their time on earth and say “I did that!”

Of course, like anything, this concept isn’t black and white. I think everyone has a bit of both in them, but in my experience most people fall into one camp the majority of the time. For instance, I am a why not person, but I definitely have my why moments. I feel like people eventually find a good balance for themselves in order to navigate life. For why people, this means learning to stop living in the details all the time and let go more when it comes to little things. For the why nots, they hopefully learn that bigger decisions may require more deliberation and thought. But I do not think that either thought process is better than the other—in fact, both are necessary to keep life balanced and interesting. My why friends have talked me out of some bad moves (what—like you have never thought about professing your love to someone you had never talked to before??), and I have seen why nots convince their friends to push beyond their fear to take chances.

I think that’s the beauty of life—all of us grew up differently in different environments and with various personalities and ways of thinking, but we need each other to give our lives balance.

So what about you? Are you a why or a why not person?

Halloween decision to dress up like a bunch of grapes because…why not?